Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

One eye open one eye closed...

[avocet]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

One eye open one eye closed...

Danger!
Thanks for nice joke.

[dryer]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle, where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them, was how to speak English.

Thank you for nice joke.
Really funny.

[WeberBrowse]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

One eye open one eye closed...

Haha very good joke, please share more.

[7ay7]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very good one bro ROFL

[PoloRL]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time.

A few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trip.

"I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!" says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11' all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

"I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies. "My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

"You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"

Pity the third guy hahahahaa!!!

[bigbirdbird]

[bigbirdbird]

Three guys were sitting at the bar.

The first guy said, "You know, I'm really lucky. When my wife makes love, she's like an acrobat. She can get into the most incredible positions."

The second guy said, "I'm lucky, too. My wife is like a world-class pianist when we have sex. She's got the most talented hands you can imagine."

No one spoke for a moment. Then the first guy said to the third guy, "George how's you wife in bed?"

George took a sip of his beer, then replied, "I guess you could say that my wife makes love like a chess player."

"A chess player?"

"Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves."

[bigbirdbird]

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the temperature of the water. It's 32 degrees Celsius".

The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees Celsius".

At last the Nigerian man said, "Let me have a try". So he took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.

[TriVenus]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the temperature of the water. It's 32 degrees Celsius".

The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees Celsius".

At last the Nigerian man said, "Let me have a try". So he took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.

WTF nice one bro

[Hurricane88]

Guys, please be careful about what u buy online.

If u buy stuff online please check out the seller very carefully.

Uncle Jagdish from another group just lost Rs.4680/- plus tax on a Penis Enlarger.

The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. 🔎
The only instructions that came along with it were "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT" 🤣🤣🤣

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Guys, please be careful about what u buy online.

If u buy stuff online please check out the seller very carefully.

Uncle Jagdish from another group just lost Rs.4680/- plus tax on a Penis Enlarger.

The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. 🔎
The only instructions that came along with it were "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT" 🤣🤣🤣

Really funny imo, tks cheers.

[usamasama]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Guys, please be careful about what u buy online.

If u buy stuff online please check out the seller very carefully.

Uncle Jagdish from another group just lost Rs.4680/- plus tax on a Penis Enlarger.

The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. 🔎
The only instructions that came along with it were "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT" 🤣🤣🤣

Great share bro, thanks!!

[Hurricane88]

John hoisted his beer mug and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She asked "what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies at the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Yes he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come...!!"

[Hurricane88]

*Political Sex...😜*

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is
contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything but the elections -- so much so that they communicate about everything in 'political language'.

One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says,
_*"I would like to put my candidate in your constituency."*_

The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, _*"Our party is not going to accept this."*_

The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.

After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, *"Darling, now you can put your candidate in my constituency."*

The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that any more.
*"My candidate stood* *independently and lost his deposit!! "*😛

😇😂😇😂😇😂