Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[MouAimingPSG]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Nice share bro

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice share bro.

[Samkieu]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_____________

Thanks for nice jokes.

[vincepiak]

good morning nice one that helps to make my day

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

[Masterl23]

[SchoolOfLife]

Really love all the jokes

[NABOseh]

Originally Posted by SchoolOfLife

Really love all the jokes

Agreed. Brighten up my day.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[louisloo]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Nice one. Batman must be shock

[MouAimingPSG]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Is that catwoman?

[Hurricane88]

Sunak has also ordered all chandeliers at no. 10 to be removed because everytime the door opens, the gush of wind causes the chandeliers to go 'keeling keeling keeling'


Best quote on Sunak becoming PM...

Always happens,
when the job becomes too difficult for a White,
they #Outsource it to an Indian

[Hurricane88]

It is that time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the (unfortunate) yet glorious winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


And now, the honorable mentions:


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved.


3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies... The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.. When asked how he received the injuries, he told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block(?) through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for... Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.



In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family...unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain so.

[Hurricane88]

Some interesting observations by this person.

On Twitter by a Frenchman married to Chinese:

great insights, …Indians can sell themselves better than Chinese.

“One of the most profound difference between Chinese and Western culture is the relative unimportance of talk vs action. When you reflect on it, it impacts an awful lot.

In Chinese culture, talk is cheap, vulgar even.

1/
This really surprised me at the beginning with my wife.

She was really uncomfortable, even borderline annoyed when I was telling her that I loved her.

In her mind, you just don't say those things, rather you should act to demonstrate them.

2/
And this is the case in most Chinese family. They never say "I love you". But in exchange the devotion and dedication Chinese parents and grandparents will demonstrate to their offsprings is absolutely unparalleled.

In Chinese culture it's very much about proving your love.

3/
In the West however the spoken word is disproportionately important.


4/
I suspect this explains an awful lot.

For instance it probably has a lot to do with why Chinese people find the US-style selection of president so foreign.

"You mean you select someone based on what they SAY? But they'll say anything to get elected" is basically the view.

5/
To the Chinese, a meritocratic system whereby those who have demonstrated an ability to get things done during years get progressively promoted makes way more sense.

6/
I was reading Obama's auto-hagiography and the guy basically didn't prove anything before becoming president. He was basically just a university teacher and a small time legislator during a handful of years.

Unthinkable in China!

And I am not even speaking about Trump.

7/
This might also partly explain another puzzling fact. Many large companies have many Indians in top managerial roles, even at CEO level: Microsoft, Google, Adobe, etc.

Yet there are very few Chinese. Why? They're at least as good academically as the Indians.

8/
Those familiar with Western corporate world know there are 3 key skills that matter more and more as you climb the ladder: confidence, self-promotion, eloquence.

Those are 3 skills associated with the spoken word. Again something cheap and vulgar in Chinese culture.

9/
That's also why, by the way, foreign executives rarely do well when transferred to a Chinese company.

They were brought into a culture where it was all about selling oneself and suddenly they're expected to shut-up, put their head down and execute. Culture shock!

10/
Anyhow, just my 2-cent, something I was reflecting on during my jog today!

That's also a reason why the world should be more open to understand and learn from China. We'd all benefit from a world with less talk and more deeds!“

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks bro h88 for jokes.