Finding underwear which is not yours at home

[Arucard]

Ts i think u should ask yourself what if... can u accept this and of cause talk to your wife see if she can provide a satisfy answer if not find a PI

[Xgenre]

My views. Got to think long term and big picture.

1. Remember that if things get worse and a divorce occurs, YOU will be the only loser. She can possibly get half of your assets acquired after marriage, monthly alimony and (worst of all) sole custody of your children. So whatever you do, think carefully first. Why do you think some guys say they can put up with such stuff and are suffering silently for the sake of the children? Cos not being around for your children, watching them grow is the most painful part of the divorce. Money can be earned back but kids can't stop growing and you can't buy the lost time back.

2. You chose not to do anything when you saw the evidence. What can you do now? She will deny everything I'm sure. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you deny as well? If the same thing happens again, I won't suggest you subtly put the underwear on the bed as suggested. It might be a catalyst that leads to divorce.

3. Is she a good mother? If your stories are true and you travel a lot, you will need a partner who is a good mother and can take care of things while you are gone. Even if the love is dead, if she can still perform her other roles well, it's definitely worth considering staying on. Divorce means you lose a wife and your kids lose a loving family hor.

4. Is the love dead? Is she worth fighting for to get her heart back to you? If the love is dead, I will close one eye as long as she doesn't nag at me or tries to pick up fights over small issues. If you still want her back, then slowly woo her.

My point is I know of guys who get very angry cos of ego and pride issues. End up losing access to kids and suffering more. When kids are involved, I think we should swallow our pride at times and learn to have a smaller ego. Let's be more emotionally intelligent (EQ). After all, you fuck around outside too and she might actually know and is keeping quiet for the sake of the kids also.

[Arucard]

regarding alimony yes most likely man will have to pay but half of the asset depend on the length of thier marriage and contribution not always for that i am sure

Guys, live with your parents be filial, not only remind your wife to behave and it contribute to winning the custody of your children for that i am sure again because i came from a broken family my grand parents take care of me when i was young

be filial
be faithful
if you can forgive your wife if any bros found yourself in the same situation

[newbie23]

divorce, don't feel good if spouse is kena fucked by others

Originally Posted by digdug

If you find underwear in your house which is not yours, what would you do?

Due to work, I'm usually not at home. I come back once or twice a month. One time I came back, and in my drawer, I found a man's underwear which is definitely not mine. I didn't say anything and just left it in the drawer.

The next trip I came back, the underwear was no longer there.

I know my wife can also be horny. She even told me one time that she's a bit of a sex addict. I bought her a vibrator to use during my absence, but maybe that was not enough.

For me, I didn't question or bring this up. I thought to myself that by voicing it out would not have any good results. Well, I have not also been faithful, so I guess it sort of "evens out"...

If this happened to you, what would your reaction be?

[tanmikel]

Originally Posted by digdug

If you find underwear in your house which is not yours, what would you do?

Due to work, I'm usually not at home. I come back once or twice a month.

If this happened to you, what would your reaction be?

bro , I am just wondering , if your wife only comes home once ot twice a month , how would you feel ? I understand , from a man's point of view , work is very important (you can't argue with bread and butter) but then again , so is family . she is human , too . there is no right or wrong here , you 2 just need to find your balance .

[tanmikel]

Originally Posted by digdug

Due to work, I'm usually not at home. I come back once or twice a month.

If this happened to you, what would your reaction be?

bro , I am just wondering , if your wife only comes home once ot twice a month , how would you feel ? I understand , from a man's point of view , work is very important (you can't argue with bread and butter) but then again , so is family . she is human , too . there is no right or wrong here , you 2 just need to find your balance .

[indotaipan]

Hey Bro, I am not writing here to tell you what you should or should not do. I think the other concerned bros have already covered most of that. Just a note here to give you my 2 cents worth of support. I salute your steadfastness and your ability to keep your temper in check. Hang in there. I am sure many bros are behind you.

[pachyderm]

I don't think your wife will be so careless. I think she planted it there as a hint that you are not doing enough or that if you flirt so can she.

[lustarhymes]

Originally Posted by digdug

It's obvious what happened, so I think there's nothing to say. As for our relationship, we're still very good. We talk and communicate, we have good sex - probably better than the average married couple.

She looks after the house, the kids - so no complaints from me.

I don't think she is doing it anymore and it was probably a short fling, which is why I prefer to let it be. After all, I'm also guilty of straying.

I guess this is one of the problems when sexually active couples are separated for long periods of time.

Bro, when you say "we're still very good" - does it means you love her very much & u can feel the same from her? I think that's critical to yr rship with your wife (children aside). Good sex with wife may not mean much if u think ur wife is above average horny woman. Right? (No offense bro)
And "She looks after the house, the kids - so no complaints from me. " - that's pathetic man (no offense again). She's the woman u married bcos you loved her or still love her right?!!!

Although i feel 2 does it doesn't makes it even, but if as u said, yr wife have high sexual needs - the fling is probably jus sex therapy. But if it's due to yr neglect away from home, you shld wake up le (this u may hav to hint/talk to her seriously). Same for us guys, we stray bcos of many reasons or probably just 2: Plain horny for variety or tired of the Missus' nagging etc. I guess the former is debatable la, as long as we dun confuse the two...hehe.

You shld ask urself this Qs too; do u have problem committing to yr wife you married bcos of issues out of sex. I think before u confront yr wife (if u decide to), you shld ask urself questions first.

As for one of the bros comments about your attitude abt flings, you/wife with others, i think he has made a great point. Maybe yr wife is really one of the females that can separate lust from love, and it was a just a fling with no strings.

If after asking yourself those questions, and u talked to ur wife and finds that she still loves u and admit those flings, you shld be truthful abt yours too. Then, maybe u shld find a counsellor to help if love exists and you think this sexual flings have become a problem between you 2.

On the other extreme (not advisable): you 2 could probably just do it discreetly (away from home, friends, relatives) to keep your family status for yr children's sake while maintaining both sexual lives. Some people even suggested swinging can strengthen a couples' trust. Hey, at least you know what's going on right?

[sexualfantasi]

aiya.. your wife so careless 1 a...
anyway, i think TS should talk to his wife in a calm manner about things like safe sex , pregnancy,single permenant fb and maybe an open marriage works for 2 of you.

[ah rat]

Originally Posted by digdug

If you find underwear in your house which is not yours, what would you do?

TS, it time to buy a green cap to wear

[digdug]

Divorce? No lah. Not even thinking about that.

Green cap. Maybe have to lah, cause I'm already balding.

Well, right now, I'm not prepared to stir up anything - as the water now is clean and clear. If I stir it up, all the mud will come out. No point in that. Hell, it might be my best friend who's the culprit. I don't want to lose anything right now, so I'm going to leave it as it is.

I remember some of her words some time back, but maybe I didn't "listen":

"You made me become a sex addict"
"If men say nice thing to bored housewives, will easily get hooked"

[huat_ah_888]

Originally Posted by tanmikel

bro , I am just wondering , if your wife only comes home once ot twice a month , how would you feel ? I understand , from a man's point of view , work is very important (you can't argue with bread and butter) but then again , so is family . she is human , too . there is no right or wrong here , you 2 just need to find your balance .

the man here is making ends meet to support the family. cut him some slack. how will u feel if u went out to work and he took care of the family & u find a ladies panties. i think communication is needed here, just talk nicely to your wife & c what happens. if u dont talk, you will end up thinking of it non stop & you will bring it up someday anyway.

[deptrai4u]

Originally Posted by deptrai4u

well, u can try to put a ladies panty that does not belong to your wife in the same place where u found the other underwear,leave it there a while and then get rid of it and see what happens.

Lets face it, after all the think-thru, and putting it into words and writing it here, TS can appear very level headed. But when in bed with wife, regardless how unfaithful we have been on our part, regardless how much biz trips we have to take each month, and regardless how little time we are back in sillypore, how does it really feel when u are in bed with wife and in your head you know the "something has gone fishy in this house on this bed and for no good reasons really!". Can u really close 1 eye, or even close both eyes, shut ur brain and throw away 100% of pride and go on to make love to her like before?? Will there be a lousy feeling, a bad thought .. even just very very little? Mind you, this very very little thing, its a seed, it can grow and it will grow... to a size where TS even have to unload it here on the forum.. and IT WILL CONTINUE TO GROW until u cannot simply sweep it under the carpet anymore. The other thing to note is this.. it cannot be a simple fling that does not happen anymore... in a simple fling, it will never end up washing underwear, hanging up to dry and then accidently putting it in husband's closet!

IMHO, the course of action will be:

1. Divorce is definitely out of the question! U will become the BIG Loser IMMEDIATELY and OFFICIALLY as well.

2. Get evidence, make her go thru guilt trip, never divorce, forgive if u can but i really doubt it

3. and for the rest of your fucking life, take ur time to score a equaliser.

But first, start with putting a used panty from someone else in the same place where u found the other offending item....

If i were you, i will do all those things above and i will do 1 more thing before i do all those things above... i will in fact take that underwear and wear it myself and take it that its mine. I will even tell my wife that new underwear quite good, where she buy and can buy a few more for me or not. Then see how she handle it. And that will be officially declaring the start of war.. in a nice and gently way.

I read so many brother's sympathy for TS. many of which is assuming man = woman. This is a thought I can NEVER agree to. Man >< Woman in all ways. Different strengths and weakness, different views on love and sex.. and definitley totally different thinking about fidelity. For man, paying a girl to fuck her its not different from going for a hair cut. Man choose girl to fuck its just like taking a taxi, and usually the next day, we forgot even what colour was the taxi we took last night to get home. But for woman, its like buying a car... the tedious process to find out details, features, before even sitting in the car for test drive...!

So IMHO, there is nothing to shout about when a man goes for another haircut, but can u really forgive ur wife for buying another car without discussing with u???

Read what I just wrote twice, and think about it and tell me what ur heart says to you.

[addictedoldman]

IMHO
I "may" forgive but will never forget.
1 question: stray also not in the "HOME" right? mental torture, destroy the meaning of home unless its just a "house".
just my 0 cent view hor..