Life always has a habit of throwing curve balls. We search for our ideals and just when we give up and settle for the next best thing, the one that you have been waiting for arrives.
IMHO, this thread is so fantastic not becos of the raunchy and sexy bits. It is also not about the fantasy that most of us guys have (trust me on this when I say that I know this for a fact as my SIL who is a PRC and I have sparks flying all over the shop when we are in the same room). It is about the lessions that I learnt (macham in school):
1. We bear the consequences of our actions, no matter how minute or severe
2. Making decisions at cross roads of life is always a bitch. You never know which way to go and which is a blind alley till its too late
3. We only live once, so make the most of our lives. Some bros in TS's situation would have said to the SIL " Lets elope and to hell with the consequences", yet others would choose the noble way out and say "let's put a stop to this underground relationship"
4. When sharing our life experiences in SBF, its not about getting points or zapping... its about SHARING.... no condemnation, no accusations, just plain ole simple sharing between folks who have been caught between a rock and a hard place
5. Bystanders do on most occasion have a clearer and untainted perspective of issues, but sometimes, when we dont have all the facts, we should refrain from making harsh comments
Bro Seowlang, I felt the emotions cos I am going thru a divorce after 11 years of marriage. Do I love my wife? Yes I do, but love has varying levels and types. I realise that I have become more of a soul mate and a friend to her. Yes, I did the husband thing in terms of emotional support, waiting while she manicures and pedicures... fetch her from work, etc, but there was always something missing.... with her, I had never thrown my head back in laughter and feel the sense of longing and belonging.. I could have done the easy thing and pretend all is well. In the past 15 years (pak tor included), I had 3 chances to walk away from this relationship, but the third time is the only time I decided to live with the consequences of my action by proposing a divorce. Only time will tell if I made the right decision...
I only wish for the best for you......
I read and agree frankly sometimes i look into the sky and wish how good if i can i turn back time....... or travel thru time to that moment where i was making the decision....... i know i will wake up and make the right choice...... i mention before "if you hesitate at the moment whether your current partner is the right one for you" with this question throw i guess you will either try to make the best it with whomever you decided or it will end with misery or regret in live. I believe when the time come and a person call the decision w/o hesitation and choose to be with that person i believe it will go far and long and enjoyable.
I won't whin much but all i can say now the only content now for me is having and watching my 2 beautiful warrior princess growing up. The rest of it i really just let it be as it is...........
Bro Seowlang I support u man ,who in this world won't want this or shall I say which cat don't eat fish.most important of all is
不再互天长地久，只再互曾经永有。
I believe that all the bro really envy ur truly encounter and it is really onces in a life time that u find a true love ,well remember all the beautiful moment that u are wif J and keep it deep inside bottom of your heart ,and move on wif yours.story is always the same ,girl that u marry may not be your most beloved gal but u will have to accept whatever have happen
I don't think you did the wrong thing. (In fact, I don't believe in "the wrong thing") What would you be if this did not happened? Would you really give up the experience and the things you learnt, if you could?
I think we all make ridiculously stupid mistakes at times, but it is through that we learn and become wiser. I believe in these 2 types of people, 1 who would rather be ignorant and happy and another who would rather suffer but grow wiser. (But then again, I guess that when you're wise, you won't perceive suffering as suffering.) So it really depends on what kind of person you are. But I doubt you are the former, are you?
All these pains are not the end here....when your SIL gets a bf and brings him home and you guys have to have family dinner together....fuuaaahhh...u will be burning hot....when she gets married and you hv to go home and imagine how her new hubby is humping her and u hear her moaning...u gonna go nuts!!
If she is other woman, she will just disappear into the crowd but in your case...she is your SIL and she will appear in front of you for the rest of your life! Talk about a life time of suffering man!
You better be prepared! I'm not a sicko but just telling you whats coming soon...akan datang....
All these pains are not the end here....when your SIL gets a bf and brings him home and you guys have to have family dinner together....fuuaaahhh...u will be burning hot....when she gets married and you hv to go home and imagine how her new hubby is humping her and u hear her moaning...u gonna go nuts!!
If she is other woman, she will just disappear into the crowd but in your case...she is your SIL and she will appear in front of you for the rest of your life! Talk about a life time of suffering man!
You better be prepared! I'm not a sicko but just telling you whats coming soon...akan datang....
Well said dude It a matter of fact...but dude do you know what is the best thing of life and what is the best thing of human...
The best thing about life is you will not get your report card tomorrow but you will only get it at the end of your life& it not shown to you but shown to the other that are still alived...
The best thing about human is we live to learn , we learn to adapt we adapt to live... Just my 2cents worth of tots... Cheers and Prost peace no war
I don't think you did the wrong thing. (In fact, I don't believe in "the wrong thing") What would you be if this did not happened? Would you really give up the experience and the things you learnt, if you could?
I think we all make ridiculously stupid mistakes at times, but it is through that we learn and become wiser. I believe in these 2 types of people, 1 who would rather be ignorant and happy and another who would rather suffer but grow wiser. (But then again, I guess that when you're wise, you won't perceive suffering as suffering.) So it really depends on what kind of person you are. But I doubt you are the former, are you?
Dude you remind me of the way in always tell people off for stupid act they committed my way of saying will be :
The dumb will never learn from mistake
The clever learn from his own mistake
The smart will learn from other mistake
Cheers and Prost peace no war
Originally Posted by 8387
it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yang punk
Second that! Bros in sin it is also better if the other party wants to break-up with you than you with them. Less guilt and just remember you are lucky to have a share of someone who didn't 'belong' to you.
Something is better than nothing! (Console yourself with that!)
Bro Yangpunk,
like i said, together with bro 88387's statement, yours made this numbed skull thought for quite a while. i kinda of agree with u initially but after much thinking, maybe not.
the best scenario was seriously to have done mission impossible (to be at least) ie. to have rejected J and never started this. It would have just stayed the way it is: she having a crush on me and me fantasizing about her. period.
it is a very different case if J was married. if that was the case, probably it could only be lust between us. had it ended, it would be less unpleasant and sadness as no emotions were involved. ok, let me amend that to LESSER emotions involved. I totally agree with Bella's take that as long as its an affair, emotions and feelings are involved. its total bollacks if someone says no. those who dont know about Bella, go read her thread under "a woman's perspective". great insights from a woman's point of view.
anyway, what happened has already happened. u r absolutely right to say that i had someone who didnt belong to me in the first place.
....
I won't whin much but all i can say now the only content now for me is having and watching my 2 beautiful warrior princess growing up. The rest of it i really just let it be as it is...........
In many cases, we just think of the kids. we want them to grow up in a normal family environment. we so-called bear with the 'suffering' or whatever u call it. Unless we have reach the breakpoint
it is a very different case if J was married. if that was the case, probably it could only be lust between us. had it ended, it would be less unpleasant and sadness as no emotions were involved. ok, let me amend that to LESSER emotions involved. I totally agree with Bella's take that as long as its an affair, emotions and feelings are involved. its total bollacks if someone says no. those who dont know about Bella, go read her thread under "a woman's perspective". great insights from a woman's point of view.
Haha, I saw this. you quote me? Gee so honoured but let me add, having a fb, fwb, lover when you are married, if the other partner is not "happily attached" the risks are doubly high. Always remember that. Can u handle it? Guys think they can but not with their big heads but with their small heads
Seowlang, as much as I want to comfort you, you'll move on fine... It's either becos u r in the phase you don't have "someone now" or becos u still have to face her now and then. U knew it was never meant to be for have you seriously considered swapping the status of the sisters?
Good night,
Bella
__________________
Thank you for everything always, Bella
On that very saturday night, I received an sms from J. it read..
J: I have sent u an email. pls read it. If u respect me, pls do not call or sms me back. I will call u when im ready. gd nite.
Bros (and a small number of sisters), I had thought for a while how i should relate what J wrote to me. in the end, think its best i give the email as it is. I have copy and paste the email below. except for the undersigned name, nothing was changed.
there was an attachment with the email, its our song. if u want to know exactly how i felt that night, u may want to click on this link before reading below.
I think it's a blessing in disguise that the SIL found the courage to call an end to the r/s, because my guess is it's very difficult for TS bro to stop it himself.. because the fact is there will be no good ending or happily ever after... the process is just so sweet to want it to end. Well, in this light, casting all irrational thoughts aside, it's a good ending in itself. Imagine what disaster it will be if wifey found out: - Family mayhem -
__________________ If you wanna chiong fast, chiong alone. If you wanna chiong far, chiong together
Haha, I saw this. you quote me? Gee so honoured but let me add, having a fb, fwb, lover when you are married, if the other partner is not "happily attached" the risks are doubly high. Always remember that. Can u handle it? Guys think they can but not with their big heads but with their small heads
Seowlang, as much as I want to comfort you, you'll move on fine... It's either becos u r in the phase you don't have "someone now" or becos u still have to face her now and then. U knew it was never meant to be for have you seriously considered swapping the status of the sisters?
Good night,
Bella
my friend,
Can I handle I? i would honestly like to answer u *in my most macho voice that i can muster* "yes i can". but the truth is, i cant. my prob with J clearly spells it all.
I am really surprise at how writing it out helped me alot to clear up fustrations and pent up feelings. i would say that i am recovering alright and if i have to rate myself from 1 to 10 (with 10 being totally recovered), i would say i was a 4-5 before writing and prolly a 7 or maybe even 8 now? I cant really say the same for J though but she is progressing along fine. On hindside, maybe i should have started the thread earlier and would have the courage to meet samsters here for drinks when i needed someone to talk to most. drinking alone in a pub (and belting out songs) really made me seriously looked like a bloody loser but i didnt had a choice back then.
you last question was something i asked myself and also posted earlier in the thread.. let me repost what i wrote..
quote
I shudder to think if one day my wife were to grab my shoulders, ask me to look into her eyes and ask: am i the person u love the most in your life?
unquote
You better be prepared! I'm not a sicko but just telling you whats coming soon...akan datang....
Bro, no way are u a sicko. but i disagree with yr views that i'll be hurt when i imagine her husband making out with her.
using a phrase i have learnt from bros here, i had someone that doesnt belong to me in the first place. therefore, why on earth am i unhappy if she can find happiness with another man? i have mentioned that one of the reasons why im sure protective over J is bcos she is a very vulnerable girl that may be too fragile for this cruel world. i just dont want to see her being hurt.
I think it's a blessing in disguise that the SIL found the courage to call an end to the r/s, because my guess is it's very difficult for TS bro to stop it himself.. because the fact is there will be no good ending or happily ever after... the process is just so sweet to want it to end. Well, in this light, casting all irrational thoughts aside, it's a good ending in itself. Imagine what disaster it will be if wifey found out: - Family mayhem -
bro, you hit all the right spots.. except one point.
"the process is just so sweet to want it to end."
process was bitter sweet and also, i was living day by day, not knowing how to end too.. its totally different from what u said.
08-09-2011, 05:26 PM
