Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Pungsak]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

To all my lovely brothers. My piece of good advice when traveling to USA

Please don't speak Hokkien in front of USA immigration officers

An elderly Hokkien couple arrived at US Immigration...

The officer asks "do you have any fever" turning to the old man...

Old man no speak english ..and don't understand and Immigration officer asked again and again Do you have a FEVER ?

The wife can't stand the officer any longer and Irritated wife shouted back at the officer in Hokkien

" E bo lah"

All hell broke lose after that 💥

Very nice Hokkien joke.
Thanks bro Hurricane88.

[jessel]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English, and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.

The first girl says "toast" -- t o a s t.

The second boy says "eggs" -- e g g s.

Little Johnny says "f*ckin nothing" -- f u c k i n g n o t h i n g.

The teacher stands him in the corner till lunch.

After lunch Little Johnny is allowed to take his seat. The first class after lunch is geography. The teacher wants to know where the Polish border lies.

Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says, "He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got fucking nothing for breakfast!"


***********



Little Johnny is wandering up and down the aisles of a supermarket crying his eyes out.

"What's the matter fella?" asked a stock boy.

"I've lost my mommy!" wailed Little Johnny.

"Don't worry, we'll soon find her," soothed the stock boy.

"Now tell me, what's mommy like?"

"Bourbon and men with big, hard cocks," sobbed Little Johnny.

Very nice share bro, thanks!

[sgstaff]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

One day, when Little Johnny was about 6 years old, he and his father went to look at some puppies. When he came home, he ran up to his mom and informed her that there were four puppies. Three were boys and one was a girl.
"

Nice share bro, thanks and hoping to read more!

[etsys]

If you get this joke, laugh a lot ^^

[etsys]

[

[sufferage]

Originally Posted by etsys

Smart kid

[brace]

Originally Posted by etsys

Very smart alec

[finch69]

Originally Posted by etsys

Another excellent blonde joke.

[bigbirdbird]

His Car Broke Down





One day there was a guy who was driving to a nearby town. He was in a hurry, so he took a back road to get there faster, when, all of a sudden, his car broke down. A nearby farmer saw him stranded so he invited him to stay the night.

He said, "The only bed I have that you can sleep in is with my daughter, but if I catch you fooling around with her I'll shoot you. To make sure that you don't I'm going to put some eggs between both of you and if they are broken in the morning then you are going to die."

So the guy agreed.



In the middle of the night the girl wanted to get it on so they did. In the middle of the skirmish they broke all of the eggs.

The guy didn't want to get shot so he cleaned up the mess and glued the egg shells back together.

In the morning the farmer came into his daughter's room and found that all of the eggs were still intact.

The farmer was so happy that he invited the guy to have breakfast with him.

So he gathered up all of the eggs and took them to the kitchen.

He cracked the first one open and nothing was inside it.

He cracked the second one and still nothing and so on.

When he found out that all of them had nothing in them he grabbed his shotgun and ran outside.

He opened the chicken shed door and yelled out "ALLRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF YOU ROOSTERS HAS BEEN USING CONDOMS?!

[bigbirdbird]

Rotten Eggs



A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"

Frank replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."

The waiter tells him, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so plastered he won't know the difference!"

Frank scrambles the rotten eggs, heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast.

The drunk is so hungry, he wolfs down the breakfast without comment.

He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"

She answers, "We have our own chicken farm."

The drunk asks her, "Do you have a rooster?"

"No," she says.

The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is fucking your chickens!"

[bigbirdbird]

In the Garden of Eden


"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did you and Eve do today?"

"We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.

"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.

"Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.

"And then what did you do?" God asked.

"We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."

"Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.

"She's down at the brook washing herself out."

"Oh, no," the Lord moaned. "Now all my fish are going to smell like PUSSY!”

[bigbirdbird]

Dave and Bill are out drinking at the bar late one night.

Dave says, "Well, bud, I guess I better be going home."

"Yo man," Bill said, "what's your rush? Little woman got you by the short hairs on a short leash?"

"Hell no," Dave retorted, "I'm the boss in my house."

Then he said softly, "But she's the Director of Pussy..."

[bigbirdbird]

[bigbirdbird]

[UOBteller]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

In the Garden of Eden


"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did you and Eve do today?"

"We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.

"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.

"Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.

"And then what did you do?" God asked.

"We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."

"Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.

"She's down at the brook washing herself out."

"Oh, no," the Lord moaned. "Now all my fish are going to smell like PUSSY!”

Hahaha nice share, thanks bro