Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[otamay]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Hahaha this is a wonderful maths here.

[Hurricane88]

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.’

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? haven't got any money!!’

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk,all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this.

I'm so drunk and me knees are killing me!’

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage.'

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[sgstaff]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.’

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.’

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? haven't got any money!!’

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk,all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this.

I'm so drunk and me knees are killing me!’

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember in which pub I lost the sausage.'

Hahaha nice share bro!

[dryer]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.’

So how many sausages he ate?
Really funny.
Please keep the jokes coming.

[4707030319]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Milk and sausage joke...

Too good jokes.
Please do share more ok!

[godwit]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!!"

Thank you sir for nice jokes.

[washer]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Hahaha. Such simple joke. Nice and thank you.

[CharcoalMiner]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Milk and sausage joke...

Very nice joke bro. Please share more ya!

[NorthEastBrom]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!!"

Thanks for very funny joke, hope to read more!

[idioliticfool]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Hehehe very straight forward joke. Thanks a lot bro!

[7ay7]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

IRISH SAUSAGES

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.’

Pity his poor friend LMAO. Please continue sharing bro

[Hurricane88]

Since it's going to be Qin Ming(tomb cleaning festival) I want to share a joke 😂

👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻👻

My Uncle Tan at the graveyard during Qin Ming while burning *joss money*, remarks, "Joss money nowadays look so real, I'm almost reluctant to burn it."
Soon after, his wife calls his mobile, "Hey, I thought you went for Qin Ming. Why is the joss money still on the table? And what happened to the 100K that I withdrew yesterday?"
Uncle Tan bangs his head against the tombstone and cries till he faints.
Passersby say, "Such filial piety! Hardly see nowadays."
Later that night, his grandfather appears in his dream.
"Grandson, what have you done? What currency have you sent me? I'm now in police lockup here. They're accusing me of using counterfeit money!"

👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻 👻

[signo]

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.

The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.

Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

[quynhon]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Since it's going to be Qin Ming(tomb cleaning festival) I want to share a joke 😂

Well donw and very nice joke.
Cannot stop laughing.