Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bluebrownface]

Very good jokes, thanks all!

[SBMEDSUP]

Pls post more jokes.

[Hurricane88]

*Three Fucking Laws of Management - If you learn them, no one can beat you in Corporate Management, but unfortunately even Harvard Business School does not teach them...*

1. *Fucking Law of Delivery Time -* No matter how hard and fast you fuck, the child comes after 9 months.
*Moral -* Pressurizing does not alter delivery period.

2. *Fucking Law of Direction -* Even though both holes are nearby, if by a wrong shot, you enter the wrong hole, no matter how hard you fuck, you never get a child.
*Moral -* Right direction and focus is very important to get the results, even few centimeters away from right direction, even if it gives satisfaction, cannot lead to results.

3. *Fucking Law of Human Resources -* By appointing 4 men to fuck 1 woman, you cannot get 4 children, but if you appoint one man to fuck 4 women, you can get 4 children.
*Moral -* Appoint the right person at the right position. Otherwise you would keep on wondering, why you are not getting the results even after appointing more men.

*Forward to all Hard working employees.*

Our fucking PM and others need this advice👆

[Hurricane88]

*Irish Tale*

*As only the Irish can tell a story...*

*Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.*

*On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.*

*So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat and was nearly drowned...!*

*Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.*

*"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"*

*Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot...!*

[Hurricane88]

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when She met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week
and I'll light a fertility candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...' They then parted ways..

Some years later they met again.

The Father asked, 'Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer ******' candles....

[Hurricane88]

A Lady was surprised to see her Gynaecologist at the Airport and rushed to greet him💃

She exclaimed "Hello Doctor , so delighted to see you .Don’t you recognize me ?🤔

Doctor looked at her intently👀👁 for a while and replied "I am afraid as you know I am not a photographer but a gyanec, hence cannot recall your face .Though surely I will , if I see the area which I examined of yours "😵🤯

[Hurricane88]

London Breaking News

This is so messed up
London Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Old Bailey courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to *Arsenal Football Club,* whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.😜

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Canadian Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster, speaking in Ontario, says: "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto."

"I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant, regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus, the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."

"That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, The Turban Cowboy, and the other, a topless bar, would be called You Mecca Me Hot."

"Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called Iraq of Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods, and on the other side, a liquor store called Morehammered."

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.

Yes, we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point, it is either past your bedtime, or it's midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.✌️

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for sharing nice jokes.

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice share bro, it's so true.

[SBMEDSUP]

Pls share more nice jokes.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...