Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

A Punjabi was walking his two dogs. A passer-by asked, "What are their names?"

The Punjabi replied, "Rolex and Omega.”

"Wow, I have never heard those names for dogs before,” the stranger said.

The Punjabi explained, "these are watchdogs.”
🤔

*Logical Punjabis*
😂

[Hurricane88]

MARRIAGE IS A BUY AND HOLD ASSET - WALL STREET VERSION.

A woman posted a message sayingon the New York Financial Times Newspaper asking for advice on how to find a millionaire husband.

This is the Message the woman wrote:

"I am a beautiful girl (I would say very beautiful) 25 years old, well educated and I have class. I want to marry someone who makes at least a million dollars a year.

Do you have any men on this portal who make over $500,000 a year? Maybe the wives of those who make that can give me some advice.

I've been dating men who make 200-250k, but I can't go over that, and 250k isn't going to get me to live on Hudson Yards.

I know a woman, from my yoga class, who married a banker and lives in Tribeca, and she is not as pretty as me, nor is she smart.

So what did she do that I didn't? How can I get to her level.

Millionaire's answer:

"I read your query with great interest, thought carefully about your case and made an analysis of the situation. First of all, I am not wasting your time, since I earn more than 500 thousand per year.

Having clarified this, I consider the facts as follows: What you are offering, seen from the perspective of a man like the one you are looking for, is simply a lousy deal.

Here's why: Putting aside all the detours, what you are proposing is a simple business deal: You provide the physical beauty and I'll provide the money. Clear proposal, no loopholes.

However, there is a problem. For sure, your beauty will decline, and one day it will end, and most likely my money will continue to grow.

So, in economic terms, you are a *depreciating asset* and I am a dividend-yielding asset. You not only suffer depreciation, but, since it is even progressive, it always increases!

To clarify further, you are 25 years old today and you will continue to be beautiful for the next 5, 10, to 20 years; but always a little less each year, and suddenly, if you compare yourself with a photo of today, you will see that you will already be old.

This means that you are now *"on the rise,* in the ideal time to be sold, not to be bought.

Using Wall Street parlance, whoever has it today must have it in a *"trading position",* and not in a *"buy and hold",* which is what you are offering it for.

Therefore, still in commercial terms, the marriage *(which is a "buy and hold")* with you is not a good business deal in the medium or long term, but *renting* it can be in commercial terms a reasonable business that you and I can meditate and discuss.

I think that by certifying how *"well formed, classy and wonderfully beautiful"* it is, I, the probable future renter of that *"machine",* want what is common practice: To make a test drive, that is to say a *"test drive..."* in order to finalize the operation.

In short: as buying it is a bad deal, due to its increasing devaluation, I propose to rent it for as long as the equipment is in good use. Waiting to hear from you, I bid you a cordial farewell.
🤣🤣🤣

Source: New York Financial Times.

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for more jokes.

[kinkgo]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Porn watching student

[Masterl23]

Love the jokes shared, hope there will be more.

[Hurricane88]

*The Engineer in Hell!*
🔥🔥🔥
An Engineer dies but lands in Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky”

Satan says, “Well, what did you expect? This is Hell”

The engineer says “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?

Satan says, “Yeah, we might have some of that stuff around, I’ll check and see what I can find for you.”

Satan finds the stuff & the engineer starts designing improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, good lighting, flush toilets & escalators. The engineer is pretty popular!

One day God calls and tells Satan, “Say, we had a mix-up. I was checking records & discovered that by error an engineer got sent down to you. He should have come to Heaven. All engineers go to Heaven. You need to transfer him up here.”

Satan says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, great lighting, and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. We like him !! We’re going to keep him.”

God is horrified. "That's a mistake! He should never have gone down there in the first place! Send him up here immediately!"

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue you!”

Satan laughs, “Yeah, right, Good luck on that... Where are you going to find a lawyer, other than Hell?
🔥🔥🔥

[Hurricane88]

A refresher....
Some great sexy sayings:
"You cannot taste me, until you undress me"
- Banana
"You cannot eat me unless you lick me"
- Ice cream
"You can not play with me unless you blow me"
- Balloon
"You cannot enjoy me unless you suck me"
- Lollypop
"You make me wet & put me in your mouth everyday"
- Toothbrush
And the most killer one!
"You cannot enjoy me unless you spread me"
- Butter
Don't laugh alone share with others.

[Hurricane88]

*Sex On Mars*

The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another...
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips... He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen...
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
‘No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'
'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
The next day the couples re-join their other partners and go their separate ways.
As they walked along, John asks, 'Well, was it any good?'
'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache .... She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

[Hurricane88]

Thailand Boleh. The Bride is a boy, the Groom is a girl. Now the Groom is Pregnant. Biological mother is the father, & mother is now the father. So confusing, world has turn upside down lah 😱🙄🤔

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[SBMEDSUP]

Thailand boleh. Very confusing relationship.

[etsys]

my humble contribution, after a while :P

[jamu]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue you!”

Satan laughs, “Yeah, right, Good luck on that... Where are you going to find a lawyer, other than Hell?
🔥🔥🔥

Neh are you reading this?

[Hurricane88]

This lockdown has led to several local businesses going bankrupt.

✓ The Blouses & Bras manufacturer has gone *Bust.*

✓ The specialist in Submersibles has gone *Down Under.*

✓ The manufacturer of Food Blenders has gone into *Liquidation.*

✓ A Dog Kennel has had to call in the *Retrievers.*

✓ The suppliers of paper for Origami enthusiasts has *Folded.*

✓ The Heinz factory has been Canned as they couldn't *Ketchup* with expenses.

✓ The Tarmac laying company has reached the *end of the road.*

✓ The Bread company has run out of *Dough.*

✓ The Clock manufacturer has had to Wind Down and the owner has gone *Cuckoo.*

✓ The Chinese Food company has been *Taken away.*

✓ The Shoe shop owner has had to put his foot down and given his *Staff the Boot.*

✓ The Laundrette has been taken to the *Cleaners.*

✓ The Bread Bakeries are all *Toast.*

And yes, it’s *Curtains for Theatres.*

*Damage caused by Corona Lockdown put up in the witty English language*
😟😟😟😟

[Hurricane88]

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up.

She said, “Come, get in my car. I’ll take you to my place that is only few blocks away. You can clean up, and then I will examine to confirm that you are not hurt.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come on, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "We need to see if you have any scrapes and treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very kind. I could not say no, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place and after cleaning up, she examining me to confirm that I do not have any major injury and then offered a drink. We had couple of drinks, but all along I was feeling guilty and finally told her, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. I suppose, she must be at home, right?"

"Well, not really. She must be still in the ditch." 😉

*Men will be Men*