Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL SENIOR CITIZENS - MUST READ WITH PATIENCE.

*Rules for senior citizens!*
💐✍🏽💐

1. Please don't lock the
doors of washroom from
inside when you are
inside. Sit down on a
stool or chair and take
bath/ shower. Don't
stand & take a bath even
under the shower

2. Keep a hand-hold
attached to the wall near
your W C (Western
Commode) to hold while
sitting on/ getting up
from the commode.

3. Wear your trousers/
pyjamas, sitting on a
chair or bed. Don't try
wearing them standing.

4. When you get up from
bed, get on to sitting
posture and stay 30
seconds and then stand
up near the bed 30 sec
before walking for
attending to calls,
especially at nights.

5. Don't walk on *wet*
floors.

6. Avoid climbing stool/
chair/benches to repair/
clean fans, Photos and
drying cloths etc..

7. Avoid driving any vehicle
alone. Let someone
accompany you.

8. Please take medicines as
per schedule/Doctor's
advice

9. Don't compromise with
anyone, on thing which
gives/keeps you happy.

10. Please go along with
your spouse, when you
are going to BANK,
MARKET, SHOPPING
etc..

11. When you are alone at
home, please don't
entertain unknown
people, and always be
alert.

12. Always have *TWO*
main door key bunches,
one with you and the
other with your spouse.

13. Better to have a call-bell
in bedroom to call for
emergency

14. Be polite and soft -
spoken with everyone
you are with.

15. Don't think about PAST
or FUTURE. For you,
PRESENT is real &
very valuable

16. At this age, *Peace of*
*mind, Maintaining*
*good health,*
*Happiness and Healthy Relationships* are very
important.
Think over and Take care... please ......
🙏🏻❤️
40 Years Ago ::

40 years ago, children were gentle with their parents. Today parents have to be gentle with their children.
🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝
40 years ago, everyone wanted to have children. Today many people are afraid of having children.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
40 years ago, children respected their parents.
Now parents have to respect their children.
👌👌👌👌👌👌
40 years ago, marriage was easy but divorce was difficult.
Nowadays it is difficult to get married but divorce is so easy.
💑💑💑💑💑💑
40 years ago, we got to know all the neighbours.
Now we are strangers to our neighbors.
💐💐💐💐💐💐
40 years ago, people had to eat a lot because they needed the energy to work hard.
Now we are afraid to eat fatty foods for fear of the cholesterol.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
40 years ago, villagers were flocking to the city to find jobs.
Now the town people are fleeing from the stress to find peace.
⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔
40 years ago, everyone wanted to be fat to look happy ...
Nowadays everyone diets to look healthy.
🏋‍♂🏋‍♂🏋‍♂🏋‍♂🏋‍♂🏋‍♂
40 years ago, rich people pretended to be poor.
Now the poor are pretending to be rich.
🚗🚗🚗🚗🚗🚗
40 years ago, only one person worked to support the whole family.
Now all have to work to support one child.
🚴‍♂🚴‍♂🚴‍♂🚴‍♂🚴‍♂🚴‍♂
40 years ago, people loved to study and read books ...
now people love to update Facebook and read their whatsapp messages.
🧩🧩🧩🧩🧩🧩
I received this realistic message from my batch and on realizing that it's hard fact for today's life,
Forwarded to all my friends🙏🌹🙏

[Hurricane88]

*Running or Fucking?*

Which is better....
That is the question !

Doing any kind of exercise is excellent for your health.......But, for those who still have doubts while choosing,
here you will find 7 good reasons to decide between Running or Fucking.
1.- When you run, you usually go alone. If you go with someone you just want to run faster than the other.
Fucking? No. You always try to reach the goal together......
Result:- Therefore, fuck "Develops teamwork and avoids selfishness."

2.- To run you have to buy a lot of clothes that, normally, is quite expensive. However, to fuck, just take off the one you're wearing.
Result:-As you can see, fucking "encourages saving, and avoids consumerism".

3.- To run....You have to get out of bed. To fuck, its the opposite. We all know that bed is better than nowhere.
Result:-Therefore while fucking, "We exercise while we are, where we are best".
😁〽️❗🔟😁

4.- Running requires great effort and gives little pleasure. Fucking gives enormous pleasure and the effort is minimal. So while fucking, we experience how to, "Make the most of it with the minimum effort"

5.- After running, you end up exhausted and your knees and legs hurt. However, after fucking, you have a smile from ear to ear! Result:- It is clear that through fucking "we discover the joy of living"

6.- If they call you to run, you will almost never go. Now, if they call you to fuck? ... Ahhhhhhhh! ... Right ?!!!. You will reach on time.
Result:-It is clear, fuck "increases punctuality."

7.- Another very important reason is that after running you do not feel like repeating the race. But, after fucking, you want to repeat again. Yes or no?!!!
So, through fucking we achieve "true interest in what is done and promotes the value of perseverance."

So the winner is a ' *Fuck* ' anytime!

Send it to 10 people and you will be blessed with a nice fuck! ...

If you do not do it, you will keep running like mad and feel... 'what the fuck'! ....

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Hurricane88]

If you plan to do regular daily exercises for this year, you may choose one or more of the following recommended exercises. I find biking a bit dangerous; golf too expensive; basketball too demanding for my age. And so I’ll just choose from among these!

01) Beating around the bush
02) Jumping to conclusions
03) Climbing the walls
04) Swallowing my pride
05) Passing the buck
06) Throwing my weight around
07) Dragging my heels
08) Pushing my luck
09) Making mountains out of molehills
10) Hitting the nail on the head
11) Wading through paperwork
12) Bending over backwards
13) Jumping on the bandwagon
14) Balancing the books
15) Running around in circles
16) Eating crow
17) Tooting my own horn
18) Climbing the ladder of success
19) Pulling out the stops
20) Adding fuel to the fire
21) Opening a can of worms
22) Putting my foot in my mouth
23) Starting the ball rolling
24) Going over the edge
25) Picking up the pieces
26) Kicking the can down the road
27) Digging in
28) Hanging around
29) Throwing someone under the bus
30) Running away from the past

Whew! What a workout! I don’t need to go to the gym.

💪💪😂😂

[Hurricane88]

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Thanks for sharing bro.

[Hurricane88]

Omicron Virus Symptoms Basically Are The Same Feelings You Get When Your Wife Is Checking Your Phone...

-Difficulty In Breathing
-Sweating Profusely
-Weakness
-Headache


And when she asks who is Tina,
the dry cough starts...
🤣🤣

[Hurricane88]

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ah rat]

____________

[Hurricane88]

From a friend :

Among all the vaccines I have known in my life (diphtheria, tetanus, measles, rubella, chickenpox, hepatitis, meningitis, tuberculosis, influenza), I have never seen a vaccine that forced me to wear a mask and maintain my social distance, even when you are fully vaccinated.

I had never heard of a vaccine that spreads the virus even after vaccination.

I had never heard of rewards, discounts, incentives to get vaccinated.

I never saw discrimination for those who didn't.

If you haven't been vaccinated, no one has tried to make you feel like a bad person.

I have never seen a vaccine that threatens the relationship between family, colleagues and friends.

I have never seen a vaccine used to threaten livelihoods, work or school.

I have never seen a vaccine that would allow a 12-year-old to override parental consent.

After all the vaccines I listed above, I have never seen a vaccine like this one, which discriminates, divides and judges society as it is. And as the social fabric tightens…

It's a powerful vaccine!

It does all these things except IMMUNIZATION.

If we still need a booster dose after we are fully vaccinated, and we still need to get a negative test after we are fully vaccinated, and we still need to wear a mask after we are fully vaccinated, and still be hospitalised after we have been fully vaccinated, it will likely come to: “It's time for us to admit that we've been completely deceived."

[ajlover]

It's a conspiracy for some to turn themselves into billionaire

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

From a friend :

Among all the vaccines I have known in my life (diphtheria, tetanus, measles, rubella, chickenpox, hepatitis, meningitis, tuberculosis, influenza), I have never seen a vaccine that forced me to wear a mask and maintain my social distance, even when you are fully vaccinated.

I had never heard of a vaccine that spreads the virus even after vaccination.

I had never heard of rewards, discounts, incentives to get vaccinated.

I never saw discrimination for those who didn't.

If you haven't been vaccinated, no one has tried to make you feel like a bad person.

I have never seen a vaccine that threatens the relationship between family, colleagues and friends.

I have never seen a vaccine used to threaten livelihoods, work or school.

I have never seen a vaccine that would allow a 12-year-old to override parental consent.

After all the vaccines I listed above, I have never seen a vaccine like this one, which discriminates, divides and judges society as it is. And as the social fabric tightens…

It's a powerful vaccine!

It does all these things except IMMUNIZATION.

If we still need a booster dose after we are fully vaccinated, and we still need to get a negative test after we are fully vaccinated, and we still need to wear a mask after we are fully vaccinated, and still be hospitalised after we have been fully vaccinated, it will likely come to: “It's time for us to admit that we've been completely deceived."

[Hurricane88]

Indians are smart .

Sardar Singh's wife is expecting, and the baby is due any day.

Singh is very confident it would be a boy, and he is looking forward to the delivery day.

As fate would have it, he is suddenly transferred by his company to another city, and has to go immediately.

Before going, he asks his father-in-law to send him a telegram confirming the birth of his son.

But in order to avoid giving a party to his office colleagues, he asks his father-in-law to write "the clock has
arrived" in the telegram, and he will understand that his son is born.

The D-day arrives, and Singh's wife delivers a cute little baby girl.

Now Singh's father-in-law doesn’t know what to do. If he writes "the clock has arrived”, Singh will think he has a son.

If he writes "the clock has not arrived", Sardar will get worried that something serious has happened.

Being a very intelligent and imaginative person, the father-in-law finds a solution and sends the telegram.

Singh receives the telegram, opens it eagerly and reads: (You’ll love this one)

"The clock has arrived, but the 'pendulum' is missing."

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

*DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM*

I suppose everyone of you must have boarded a plane before. Ever encountered
any proud and arrogant joker like some sort of "Datuk" or"Tan Sri"
shouting at the top of his voice at the check-in counter? Read this one.
Very interesting.......especially the last bit ......hahahaha..
THIS SHOULD APPLY TO EVERY AIRLINE DESK ANYWHERE IN MALAYSIA - WHERE
EVERYONE HAS SEEN THE "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM" Ass Holes everywhere:
airports, restaurants, traffic lights......

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some
months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was canceled after Virgin's 767s had been
withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re booking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it
HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be
happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm
sure we'll be
able to work something out.'

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating,
the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have
your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her
voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If
anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'With the
folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the
Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F.. You!'

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry,
sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too .

[Hurricane88]

I have a girlfriend who is a police officer.
When she misses me, she just comes to my house in uniform and arrests me in the presence of my wife and takes me to her home till the next day.

Then she brings me back and tells my wife: ''We are not done with Investigations yet. I shall pick him up anytime we want more from him......!!!“

And My Innocent wife will always say : ''Madam Officer, God Bless you for handling my Husband's Case with care & I Will Make Sure He Is Always Available Anytime You Need Him......!!!!''

*Moral of the story is...*
*Gift a Police Officer's Uniform to your Girlfriend..!!*
😊😊😊