Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

Thanks bro @warbird for nice joke

[Hurricane88]

How to break bad news gently to avoid trouble:

At dawn the telephone rings...

"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot -
he is dead."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.

What did he die of?"

"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane?? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??"
"The one that destroyed your house, Senor!

A candle fell and the curtains caught fire."

"What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle??!!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod. She showed up very late one night and I thought there was a thief, so I hit her with your new tailor-made Super Quad 460 golf club."

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........

"Ernesto, if you broke that golf club, you're in deep trouble!!!"

😳😂😂

[Hurricane88]

A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar.

He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him.

DAD: Son where were you today during school hours?

SON: "At school." Robot slaps son. "Ouch! Okay okay, I went to the movies!"

DAD: "Which one?"

SON: Harry Potter Robot slaps son again. "Ow! Okay, jeez - I was watching an adult movie, okay?"

DAD: "What?? When I was your age I didn’t even know those existed!" Robot slaps Dad.

MOM: "Hahaha! He's your son, after all!"

Robot slaps mother.🤣

[etsys]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

"Your wife's, Senor Rod. She showed up very late one night and I thought there was a thief, so I hit her with your new tailor-made Super Quad 460 golf club."

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........

"Ernesto, if you broke that golf club, you're in deep trouble!!!"

😳😂😂

ouch ouch ...

[IUON]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar.

He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him.

DAD: Son where were you today during school hours?

SON: "At school." Robot slaps son. "Ouch! Okay okay, I went to the movies!"

DAD: "Which one?"

SON: Harry Potter Robot slaps son again. "Ow! Okay, jeez - I was watching an adult movie, okay?"

DAD: "What?? When I was your age I didn’t even know those existed!" Robot slaps Dad.

MOM: "Hahaha! He's your son, after all!"

Robot slaps mother.🤣

Hahahaa nice share bro

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar.

He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him.

DAD: Son where were you today during school hours?

SON: "At school." Robot slaps son. "Ouch! Okay okay, I went to the movies!"

DAD: "Which one?"

SON: Harry Potter Robot slaps son again. "Ow! Okay, jeez - I was watching an adult movie, okay?"

DAD: "What?? When I was your age I didn’t even know those existed!" Robot slaps Dad.

MOM: "Hahaha! He's your son, after all!"

Robot slaps mother.🤣

Keep on sharing bro.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Yakuza]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Tks for the upz Bro .. You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dyelook again.
have put you in my watchlist for 2nd round

[w4lking]

Great thread, thanks all sis/bros for sharing!

[Hurricane88]

*Why Indian Students are Disliked Abroad!*
TOO GOOD!

It was the first day of school in the USA and a new Indian student named Chandra Subramanian entered the 4th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandra, who had his hand up:

Chandra :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,'.

'Very good!

Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandra:- 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandra, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud stage whisper: 'Fuck the Indians.'

'Who said that?' she demanded. But Chandra put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandra says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandra jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said
'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandra frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against him in 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'

And Chandra said quietly, 'Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.

😝😝😝😝😝😝👍

[Hurricane88]

This good, for a laugh…🤣

A Malaysian Saying

The 'missing cycle' goes like this in Malaysia............

Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing.
Get Bangladeshi workers, Malay girls missing.
Get Indonesian workers, money missing.
Get Indian workers, jewelery missing.
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing.

And now ...
Call the police, the evidence goes missing,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing,
Change the government, funds go missing,
Say something and you may be missing!
😜🤣😂

[Hurricane88]

Best joke for our times

this is so timely:

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through
the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a
very frail, little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling COVID protection masks.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a
mask? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such
an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your masks. I need water!”

"Sorry, I have none, just masks - and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your masks! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. “It does not matter that you
do not want to buy a mask from me, or that you hate me, threaten my
life, and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any
of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two
miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the
ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped, "They won't let me in without a mask!”

A new joke in pandemic times 😉All the best 💪👊

[dumdum]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Returned you +17 pts

[snowyden]

Nice bro, keep them coming.

[Hurricane88]