Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Ttelda]

Originally Posted by dyelook

________

The one talking is Rose. Who is the one sucking?

[Hurricane88]

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[malaysiapig]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

hahaha

govt iron rice blow

[Leesin]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_____________

Make sense. Nice share

[Hurricane88]

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.

The man thinks "hmmmm... all these sevens... I think the universe is trying to tell me something."

So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track. He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called "Lucky Universe". The man can't believe it. He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.

The horse came in seventh.
😀😂😄🤣😃🤪😄🤣😂

[Rocketman888]

Originally Posted by dyelook

________

Thanks for sharing.

[dyelook]

boyfriend to girlfriend : darling... can you tell me something that can make me happy, confuse & mad?

girlfriend : dear... do you know that your gugubird is the longest & thickest among your group of friends...

[Hurricane88]

A GREAT JOKE TO SHARE AND SURE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH 😂


A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.

I'm a defective parrot.'


'Holy crap,' the guy replies.

'You actually understood and answered me?'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.

'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.


'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked,

I wrap my willie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.

You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with

reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $100.00 price tag

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'


'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me,

cause I don't have any feet.

You can probably get me for $50, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $50, and walks out with the parrot.


Weeks go by.

The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal,

he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted.


One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes,

'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'


'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted

him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.


'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie,

and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes.


Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees,

and began to kiss her all over.'


Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'


DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'

[Hurricane88]

*An 83-year-old elderly woman, lying on the bed, said to her 87-year-old elderly husband: "Listen.. I just looked out the window and thought the garage light was on. Will you go and turn off the garage light?"*

The old man got up from the bed with great difficulty, opened a window and saw five or six thieves trying to break into his garage door.

*The elder called the nearest police station from there. "Look... write my address. We're the only two elderly husband and wife at home. Right now five or six burglars are breaking into our garage door. Send a police team quickly"*

From the other side came the dispatcher's voice:
*"We've written your address. We don't have any free teams right now.* As soon as we get in touch with a team, I'll send them to your home."

Hearing this, the elders were disappointed but on the other hand, thieves were still engaged in breaking the lock of the garage.

Two minutes later, *the elder again called the police station: "Listen... there's no need to send anyone now. I've shot all five thieves..."*

There was panic on the other side of the line. Within five minutes, a police team, along with a helicopter, a paramedic, three doctors and two ambulances, reached the old man's house. The 5 thieves were soon overpowered and arrested.

Later the in-charge of the police team reached the elder and said:
*"You said that you shot those five thieves, but we caught them alive?"*

The old man replied: *"And you also said that none of your teams were free."*

*Don't underestimate Senior citizens*

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[SBMEDSUP]

Women became pussies after mating

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