Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Xgenre]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Haha true...

Not rosemary. It's Rose and Mary. Which smell belongs to Rose? Which smell belongs to Mary? If you can differentiate, it means your memory is working.

[ah rat]

[dyelook]

*Adult Fairy Tale*

Once upon a time there lived a King.

The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS..

But there was a problem.

Everything the Princess touched would melt.

No matter what;
Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her.

Nobody would dare marry her.

The King despaired.

What could he do to help his daughter ?

He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the King,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition.

Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth...

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached.

He told the Princess, Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt !!!

The King was overjoyed.

Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the Prince's pants ?
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Cadbury's 5 Star chocolates...
It melts in your mouth, not in your hand...
But I appreciate ur thinking...

[gt12p]

草原下方有个沟
沟里不时水长流
不见牛羊来吃草
只见光头来洗头

[Hairyvixen]

Originally Posted by ah rat

Can't agree more. See who is in charge of our country

[Hurricane88]

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door. It's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off day tomorrow so as to be home. Just in case this guy shows up again.” The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, “Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer "yes" to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.” She nods "yes" to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, “Do you have a vagina?” “Yes, I do,” says the lady. The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using your's!”

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ah rat]

[cygnunu]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door. It's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off day tomorrow so as to be home. Just in case this guy shows up again.” The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, “Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer "yes" to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.” She nods "yes" to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, “Do you have a vagina?” “Yes, I do,” says the lady. The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using your's!”

Wahaha this is a good one!

[Hurricane88]

This is Absolutely Brilliant..I don't think I've ever heard a concept explained scientifically better than this...Well you see, it's like this...

A herd of buffalos can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo? 🐃🐃🐃

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.🐃🐃🐃🐅

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.🐃🐃🐃🐅

In much the same way, the human brain can only work as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Now, as we know, an excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
😎🤔😇

And that's why you always feel smarter after a few drinks....🍺🍻🍺🍻

Awesome message dedicated to all the "Spirit"uals
😹😅😹
🍻🍷🍾🍺

[Abildd]

On her husband’s birthday, a wife made a generous offer. “I’ll dress up like anyone you want,” she told him.

“Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé, Dua Lipa—you name it. I’ll go out and buy a sexy outfit.”

The husband told her, “Sweetheart, you don’t need to buy anything to make me happy.”

“Oh, honey,” cooed the wife, “that’s really sweet of you to say.”

“Just borrow a dress from our neighbor Glenda.”

[Hurricane88]

*In case of an emergency, outside India speak only in English.*
Never say prayers in any other language.
You never know what kind of translation problem u can run into.
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance.
Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.
When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?' They replied "Because he kept saying, 'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!' 😝😝😝
This one is awesome.... 😂😂

Have a great day!!

[oxeso]

Originally Posted by Abildd

On her husband’s birthday, a wife made a generous offer. “I’ll dress up like anyone you want,” she told him.

“Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé, Dua Lipa—you name it. I’ll go out and buy a sexy outfit.”

The husband told her, “Sweetheart, you don’t need to buy anything to make me happy.”

“Oh, honey,” cooed the wife, “that’s really sweet of you to say.”

“Just borrow a dress from our neighbor Glenda.”

Tq for gd sic..

[ah rat]

[dyelook]

thanks for the jokes...